One week until my sixth and last chemo

One week away
From
My sixth chemo
My last one
I wonder what that means
And think of all the people
Nurses
Doctors
PA
Lab techs
All the people
That have been there for me
That answered my questions
And still do
Some I have never met
Yet they push forward with me
I can feel there prayers
There energy
And caring
Cancer is such
A strange beast
One gets told
You have cancer
I have no idea
What that means
Or what to do with it
I am still processing
Still figuring it out
I find I am 
Giving myself
Permission
As I come to the last chemo
To feel 
And not just push forward
And be more open
To the feeling
I don’t fully
Know the outcome
I know 
Lesions have shrunk
I can ride my bike again
I go for long walks
Yet
I want to be like I was
Hike the places I want
Knowing that I will not be tired
Knowing I can plan
For the next day
Knowing
Not the not knowing
How I will feel that day
I want my hair back
For the warmth
When I lean against 
Something cold
As winter comes closer
I still feel upbeet 
Knowing chemo
Has helped me
Knowing I have almost made it through
All the cycles
And still walk
Bike
Cook
Plan
I am a lucky one
I still have energy
During the day
And night
I remind myself
How good it feels
To be here
And move forward
How all the people
At OHSU
Have done their best
Sometimes
I wish 
I could give them all a hug
But I guess
They will 
Make do
With my poems
And my yodeling 
Thank you
For being there